It’s Monday evening. The clock informs me with cold indifference that it is past midnight. I almost fell asleep driving twice today. I was thankful for the rumble strips on the side of the highway. Whoever legislated their use likely saved lives today because I woke up when I hit them in the van. Xander can’t sleep again. His room is littered with toys and torn paper. He is destroying the story books we read for hours in a different time. He has needed diaper changes eight times the last I counted. The most relaxing point of my evening thus far, has been returning a defective garden hose to the store, in order to purchase pull-ups and melatonin in hopes of sleeping a few hours before dawn. The realization that cleaning his room of debris in the morning, before the typical crap of an ordinary Tuesday makes me want to smash my head on pavement. I will sleep for a few hours on the couch, waking with a headache. Sometimes autism makes me simply pissed off and pessimistic. Tomorrow is another day. Bring it on. I’m still here.